Push-Through Mode Explained: The Hidden Reason Ambitious Women Struggle to Slow Down
If you’re someone who runs on ambition and has a talent for “push-through mode,” you probably know the feeling of ignoring your body when it’s tired, skipping meals to finish just one more thing, or telling yourself you’ll rest after the list is done. But here’s the secret no one tells you: the list never ends. And the reason slowing down feels so impossible isn’t because you’re bad at self-care, it’s because your nervous system is wired to keep you in survival mode.
Understanding how your nervous system works changes everything. It explains why chaos can feel normal, why calm can feel uncomfortable, and why burnout shows up over and over again, even when you think you’ve learned your lesson. For high achievers, especially women juggling careers, relationships, and personal goals, this knowledge is a game-changer.
Most of us know the basics: fight or flight. When you’re stressed, your body gets ready to defend itself or run. When you’re safe, your system shifts into “rest and digest.” But there’s a third state we don’t talk about enough: freeze. That’s when your body shuts down as a way of protecting you. Instead of acting, you feel numb or stuck. Maybe you’ve stared at your computer with 17 things to do but couldn’t move. That’s not laziness, it’s biology.
And here’s the kicker: as psychotherapist Tannaz explains, “Your body will always choose familiar chaos over unfamiliar peace.” If you’ve lived in constant overdrive for years, rest and calm don’t feel safe to your body. They feel foreign. That’s why slowing down can make you restless, why a weekend with no plans feels weirdly uncomfortable, and why a healthy relationship sometimes feels “too boring” compared to the rollercoasters you’ve survived in the past.
This is where push-through mode becomes a trap. Sure, it helps you hit deadlines and juggle a million responsibilities. But it also keeps you stuck in survival. When stress takes over, the part of your brain responsible for clear thinking goes offline, and your fear center takes control. That’s why arguments drag on without resolution or why you feel foggy even though you’re working nonstop. Over time, this constant state of stress turns into burnout, anxiety, and health issues.
The good news? Getting your nervous system back on your side doesn’t require hours of meditation or a full lifestyle overhaul. Some of the best tools take just a minute:
Breathe with intention. Slow, steady breathing tells your body it’s safe. Even four seconds in and four seconds out can shift your state.
Splash cold water. A few seconds of cold can activate your vagus nerve and calm your system fast.
Shake it off. Literally. Animals shake after stress, and you can too. Move your arms, legs, and shoulders for 30 seconds.
Sing or hum. Vibrations calm the nervous system, so that shower karaoke counts as therapy.
Take mini-breaks. Instead of aiming for 30 minutes of stillness, start with 60 seconds. Over time, your body learns that peace is safe.
Beyond these tools, there’s another shift that makes a big difference: treating yourself with compassion. Imagine your younger self sitting next to you. Would you tell her she can’t eat until the work is done? Would you deny her water or rest? Probably not. But that’s exactly how many ambitious women treat themselves every day. Thinking of self-care as caring for your inner child helps reframe rest as a necessity, not a luxury.
And then there’s the reality of adulthood. Many of us couldn’t wait to grow up, only to realize that “adulting” was the biggest false advertisement. Bills, long work hours, and never-ending responsibilities can leave you feeling trapped. Naming it for what it is sometimes laughing at it—reminds you that you’re not alone.
The takeaway is simple but powerful: your nervous system shapes how you experience stress and calm, but you can retrain it. You won’t always live in the green zone of peace, and that’s okay. The goal is to notice when you’re spinning in chaos and give yourself the tools to come back to balance. Community helps. Joy helps. Small practices add up. And rest isn’t weakness, it’s what makes ambition sustainable.
If this resonates with you, there’s so much more to learn. Listen to the full conversation with Tannaz on the So She Slays Podcast for more insights, stories, and practical tools to help you step out of chaos and into a healthier, more balanced way of living.