THE IN'S AND OUT'S OF HOW TO CHECK IN ON YOUR FRIENDS
When someone is coming to you for support the last thing we want is to do is appear dismissive, it can be harmful. Sometimes how we were raised or what we’ve been used to can get in the way of how we support people we love. If someone’s coming to you it means that they respect you, trust you, feel safe with you and/or really need someone to be there for them. Here’s what you need to know about what to look out for and how to be supportive.
Before we can support someone, it may be helpful to be able to recognize some signs that your friend is in distress and may want support. We can all agree that we have various people in our lives who communicate differently. I was the “well you should’ve known!” communicator growing up. These tips are especially helpful if you have those people in your life. It will actually encourage them to improve on their own communication by seeing you model supportive behavior. Also, someone who is so dysregulated and has difficulty labeling their emotions will most definitely not respond well to be called out on it or receiving a big, frustrated reaction. It’s not your job to take care of someone else’s healing journey but here are some things to look out for in a friend that might be suggestive that they want to share their mental health challenges with you. This is not an exhaustive list- just some red flags to look out for!
they send you IG posts or memes about mental health topics messaging you with a “relatable”, “fml” or “saaaame”
they have gone through a big life change (changing schools, programs, a loss, moving, health issues etc.)
they’ve become very negative and critical toward others
you’ve noticed their overall hygiene has changed in an unhealthy direction
they appear very stoic despite the changes they’ve gone through
they have become more distant than usual
they are self-deprecating and appear unphased
you’re waking up to seeing sent late night messages from them
Phrases and ways to connect with someone who comes to you for help or to share their feelings on something that’s causing them distress:
“Thank you for sharing that with me”
“I can see that that’s really impacting you right now”
“You don’t have to have it all figured out now but know that I’m here for you”
“I’m here to listen but if you want to explore these feelings more and would like professional help or more resources, I can help you find someone to talk to”
⭐️show up & be consistent
⭐️don’t focus on trying to connect by sharing your own struggles - this might be translate as being dismissive if not done carefully
⭐️do things with them that you usually would afterward to remind them that you love your relationship and things won’t change just because they’ve shared their MH struggles with you
⭐️if you’re unavailable at the moment to listen and give your attention, let them know when you’ll have time in your day to give them your undivided attention
⭐️be honest if you’re unsure how to respond to the big feelings that they’re sharing while also showing empathy
⭐️remind them of their support system: who and what they can access if they need support as the days go on
⭐️remind them that you care and that their well-being needs to be a priority
⭐️don’t pull out your phone or mention your own stressors from that day- this is their time to share
Make sure to follow Carm and her amazing brand: Girls Gotta Heal
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Website: girlsgottaheal.com