Moving on After Divorce: Why a Fresh Start is Important
Divorce can be complicated, whether it’s a mutual decision or not. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 630,505 divorces have been reported over the past 20 years. However, before you feel defeated from joining those statistics, remember that this doesn't mean you’ve failed in the love department.
The good news is that this is your chance for a fresh start. Don’t feel discouraged if it takes some time to find yourself again. It’s all part of your new journey. Below are a few tips to help you move on after your divorce, such as asking for assistance, organizing your finances, relocating your home, practicing self-care, and finding a new hobby.
Ask For Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help and discuss your feelings. Whether with your friends, loved ones, or a therapist, talking about your feelings is a great way to help you cope and eventually embrace your new circumstances. Most couples have leaned on one another for many years, so when your partner is no longer by your side, you’ll want to lean on others for love and support.
Therapy might not be for everyone, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to try. So, what is therapy? It’s a way to help you express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and issues. Therapists can listen and guide you with problems you might be having. Finding the right therapist for you might take some time, so don’t give up if the first one you speak with isn't a good fit for you. You never know, hearing yourself explain what you’re feeling may be just what you need to help you move forward.
Organize Your Finances
Revamping your financial situation is crucial after a divorce, especially if you’re used to relying on a second income. The first step to organizing your finances is to evaluate your current situation including your income, expenses, debt, bills, and retirement accounts. Take time to understand the fees you’re paying each month and how much you’re earning. Next, make a list of goals for yourself. Examples of goals you can set are retiring at a certain age, purchasing a new home or car, switching career paths, going back to school, or making travel plans for the future. Having goals will give you something to look forward to and keep you motivated.
Don’t forget about establishing a realistic budget for yourself. Divorce can be pricey between attorney fees and splitting assets. Because you’re relying on one income now, it’s important to trim costs in areas that count. Depending on if you have children, cutting down on groceries is a great place to start. Focus on essential expenses like rent or mortgage, utilities, insurance, or car payments. Evaluate your net income, and allocate a certain amount to the essential expenses each month. If you’re just making ends meet, don’t worry. Consider finding a financial advisor for assistance. They will help guide you through managing your finances and investing your extra money – smartly.
Relocate Your Home
Another great way to clean your slate post-divorce is by relocating to a new area. Although it may not be an easy transition, finding a new place to call home is important. Whether you’re interested in moving into an apartment or downsizing to a new house, consider looking into an FHA loan. This is a great option especially if the divorce damaged your financial standings. So, what is an FHA loan? It’s a loan option for those with lower credit scores and bumps in their financial history. Benefits of an FHA loan include lower down payment options, flexible borrowing options, and shorter waiting periods to qualify for the loan which can help you move out as soon as possible once your divorce is finalized.
If you have children, relocating far away may not be possible, but moving a few towns over is still a great way to get the fresh start you’re hoping for.
Practice Self-Care
With the stress that divorce brings, self-care is crucial. You might be wondering, “how do I find time for self-care?” If you have a busy schedule, start with simple things such as taking a quick walk, reading a book before bed, taking a bubble bath, or enjoying a glass of wine with your dinner. Having a schedule with checklists and to-do lists can feel overwhelming. Pencil yourself into your hectic schedule with five minutes here and there that can be moments for yourself. It’s OKAY to be selfish sometimes.
Not every day has to be full of chores. Designate one or two nights a week for cleaning and running errands, so you’re not draining yourself nightly. Another way to make time is by having a “you” day. Have one day a week when you do whatever you want, such as shopping, going out to lunch, or relaxing on the couch watching movies. Taking care of yourself isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but the last thing you want is to put yourself on the back burner, especially after an emotionally draining divorce.
Find a New Hobby
A new hobby, new you? Sounds good already! Finding a new hobby is a great way to keep your mind occupied. Exploring new ways to add color and meaning to your life will help you discover and learn new things about yourself. A few hobbies that might interest you are pottery-making, gardening, painting, journaling, soap making, or working out by joining a dance class.
Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. If you’re not sure what you want to do, spark your creativity by checking out Pinterest. Pinterest has a million things for you to try, especially DIY projects. Perhaps, fixing up an old dresser and revamping it into a brand-new statement piece is just what you need to keep yourself occupied.
There’s no step-by-step guide for moving on after a divorce, unfortunately. Everyone grieves divorce differently and heals with their own process. Remember, just because a chapter has ended, doesn’t mean your story does too. There can be ups and downs when moving on, so it’s important to lean on your loved ones for support. It’s no secret some days may be harder than others, so don’t forget to incorporate the tips above to help with moving on and starting fresh.