If I were to tell you that dating makes me feel incredibly awkward most people would call bull shit.
Seriously, when I've told a few close friends that I'm awkward when it comes to guys I could possibly date I'm normally met with disbelieving looks of "yeah right."
You see I'm the confident one. I have no problem talking to people, half of my really good friends are guys, and I'm normally extremely comfortable in my skin. HOWEVER, when it comes to a guy that may hold some potential romantically...well lets just say I play it off well but inside I'm a freakin' basket case.
Imagine someone trying to figure out what to do, what to say, and running in about five different directions all at the same time. Yup that's exactly how I feel and here's why.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH SWEET GESTURES.
Case in point I had one guy find out that I was gluten free after he had ordered food for a group of us. He went up to the waiter himself to make sure what he ordered I was able to eat. When a dish came to the table that we weren't sure about he went up to ask what was in it. Such a sweet gesture and most girls would be all about it. Me on the other hand, I don't know how to act, so I end up not being about to make eye contact with him and sheepishly saying "thank you that was sweet" out of the side of my mouth. Don't get me wrong I like sweet gestures I just don't know how to act when it happens.
WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT?
This is always a fear of mine especially if I'm friends with the guy. I don't want to hurt their feelings. I know it takes some guts to ask someone out or express your interest in them. So I refuse to rain on your parade. What normally happens is I take pity on you and we do a lunch date, or I come off like a bitch because I think you're kidding, or I decline and blame it on being busy with work. A good 8 out of 10 times I think the dude is kidding...which leads to even more awkward moments.
IT'LL BE FUN FOR A MINUTE BUT IT WON'T LAST
Now I've had a few friends tell me I'm judgemental when it comes to guys and that I'm not easily impressed. I would say I agree...kinda. True I'm not easily impressed but I don't think I'm judgemental without warrant. Put it to you this way, I can normally tell if you and I have potential or not based off of the first date or one good conversation. If we end up having what I refer to as "Doctor Phil Moments" where you spill all your emotional baggage or you start referring to "our" future after just meeting me...yup not gonna happen. If I can tell you don't know what you want from your life or you don't have a direction...not gonna work either. After I make the determination I'm rather quick to say, "keep it movin" or I contemplate whether or not you could handle being a friends with bennies? Although most of the time I come to the determination you would catch feelings and I would hurt you so I decide to not venture down that path.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND YOU
This happens when I'm still trying to make up my mind about the person. For instance, if we meet up and I'm not sure how I feel about you I wouldn't know if I should give you a hug, high five, or just say, "hi." Another thing I do when I'm feeling awkward but trying to hide it is, go big. Big as in my personality takes on this "larger than life" persona. I'll make my jokes funnier, I'll find that I'm constantly talking or telling stories, I'm asking questions and giving smart ass remarks. My personality takes over and all of a sudden I'm an entertainer on stage. I make it seem like I'm putting myself out there but in reality it's just my way of feeling comfortable and hiding myself.
Basically what I'm trying to say is I'm just as AWKWARD as anyone else. Just because you are seen as a confident, outgoing person in your everyday life doesn't mean that's how it is in all aspects of your life.