Dear Asian Men, Steve Harvey Knows Nothing

So I may be a little late in my response but it's because I really had to sit and think about how I felt. Obviously, I wasn't happy about the comments made but on the other side, I could understand it. Before you get upset, let me explain.

I spent 23 years of my life being the token Asian kid. There weren't any Asian women or men around that I wasn't related to. So naturally when I started dating it was Caucasian guys that popped up on my radar. To be "basic" in a sense I saw them to be strong, manly, and physically attractive. There was a reason a good amount of the guys I dated had blue eyes if not blonde hair as well.

I always told my family and friends that I could never see myself being romantically interested in an Asian man. That for some reason I wasn't really all that attracted to them. My initial thoughts were that they couldn't handle a strong woman like me, they would expect me to "sit still and look pretty," and I couldn't see them as manly. Incredibly ridiculous I know now, but it was true. In my own ignorance I believed what the media portrayed and the countless stereotypes of what an Asian male is like. It wasn't until I moved to San Francisco that my perspective changed and I was exposed to much more than what I thought to be true. 

Although Steve Harvey has since apologized for his ignorant comments of Asian men dating white and even black women, I see it stills stings and rightly so. However, I can understand his thinking and why he would be so quick to perpetuate such an inaccurate stereotype because I once thought the same myself. It's nothing new that what a majority of people know and think is what the different facets of media tell them. So when there are so few Asian men and even women represented in the limelight it's easy to believe what you are shown, that is until you are shown something different.

I've been shown something different and what I've seen is not what is portrayed. Asian men are just as strong, manly, and physically attractive as any other guy. In the words of my good friend Chauncey, a strong black woman,


"Asian men are very attractive, they have a defined sense of culture and can understand how my personal culture is important to me. They know the meaning of family and there has been a few that have turned my head."


From the men I know or have met each one posses this underlining balance of strength and sensitivity. A combination that is very hard to find but one that is, trust me, highly sought after. I see it when my friend's boyfriend, a buff, tough guy, goes the extra mile to make her hard day easier. Or when my friend can be sweet and loving to his girl and turn around and handle some business without missing a beat. I've seen this balance more than a couple of times and each time I stand back to appreciate it. Now I'm not saying that other non-Asian men are assholes. I'm just saying that you can't be so quick to pretend to know when you have no idea - a lesson I learned first hand.

Now there are women out there that will say Asian men lack confidence and that's why I can't find them attractive. I can understand that and with all honesty in a culture that equates your level of manliness to how much money you have, the car you drive, the size of your house, and what you do for a living for a lot of guys I can see why there would be a lack of confidence. Not everyone is ballin' that's just a fact. And when it comes to the bedroom, like Eddie Huang said in  an article for the New York Times,


"...I still mistakenly believe at the most inopportune bedroom moments...that women don't want Asian men."


To the above points, I now speak specifically to Asian men that feel this way or lack a sense of confidence. STOP - just stop it! There is absolutely no merit to this train of thought. If you start believing your own stereotypes it starts becoming true. Stop giving power to people, who obviously know nothing, the ability to weigh in on your thoughts. Confidence will without a doubt bring the ladies. Confidence is sexy that's a fact no matter who you are. But your level of confidence is not equated to martial things you have or that life has to offer.  And for the bedroom it's simple, put her needs above yours and trust me you'll be good. I can't tell you how many times my girls come to me and say how much they appreciate it.

Heather Young2 Comments