MY SEARCH FOR SELF-LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU

I'm here to fully disclose my discovery for self-love and it has nothing to do with society or you. And I'm laying it out for you, I'm at my largest weight and this is when I decided to love my body. Weeding through numerous comments and suggestions from the peanut gallery I still continue to love myself. 

Before meeting my dream guy I was dating and date after unsuccessful date, I felt like a fetish. Even "so-called" guy friends fetishized my very existence. Of course, like any person, I took this personally and my weight grew and so did my unappreciation for who I was. This took a toll on me and it wasn't until I was in a quite compromising relationship based mainly on sex and promiscuity that I realized I wasn't appreciating who I was.

My insecurities became more evident to me and it was hard to see who I was anymore. Breaking up with the bad "relationship", I then started learning how and what loving myself meant. It meant never apologizing for my weight or compromising who I was. This was met with a lot of tears, writing, and confusion as this is a battle. Yes, I said is. Although, I have accepted my body and the frustration of my yo-yoing weight it is still a struggle sometimes when hearing trolling comments. 

A big part of loving myself comes from being able to accept that I am worthy of love. From myself first, then from others. I look at my naked body in the mirror and say to myself that I am beautiful. I stopped picking apart my imperfections and realized that I should also stop placing rules on myself; within style, food, exercise, love, and sex.

Despite what some people may think, I exercise and cook clean meals (or at least I try). And it really is not up to me to prove and post numerous pics of me sweating my ass off in the gym (and trust me there are buckets). My trick was I put myself first in the midst of my busy lifestyle. Meaning I make sure I take time out to do the things I love like exercising, cooking, shopping, writing, hanging out friends, family and the love of my life. 

It also helps that my job is huge on body positivity and it has led to me embracing new styles and appreciating the little things about me. Crop tops, tulle skirts and even embracing my legs ( thick thighs, football player calves, and all). I swear, I will not let anyone tear me down and take me to a place where I don't love myself again. I'm not going to lie and say I don't have my moments, but I choose not to dwell. Embracing self pride,  I face it with a smile and go naked. In the mirror. In the camera, well not physically naked on camera, but in a sense so to speak. The lens pierces through my soul and sees in me and each photograph that is produced is subjected to opinions, commentators and plenty of trolls about my body and style. The internet is the ultimate mirror and I face it and choose to continuously love myself despite the negativity.